Some women seem to think that love has to feel a certain way, but this isn't necessarily true. We put so much emphasis on how we feel and whether the person we're with loves us, but in reality 'love' should be evaluated with a different criteria.
When we come across a man ( if we are single), or if we are already married to that person, we begin to evaluate the relationship based on how we feel. We question ourselves if we love them? Do we have strong feelings for them? Do they make us happy? These are all questions we ask ourselves in order to determine if the relationship is worth continuing.
For instance, leaving a man who is toxic can be difficult, especially if you think you love him. You may find yourself saying "I love him, I can't leave him" even though you know it's not good for you. I hear this time and time again from women who struggle with having a healthy balance in their relationship that they are in love with the man, but they just can't leave him.
So the focus has been on this feeling called 'falling in love'. Falling in Love is a cocktail on a composition of chemicals that triggers emotions. It can be characterised by strong feelings of attachment, infatuation and passion - even though the person you are with may be toxic or simply not a good fit for you. Therefore, feelings is not a good indicator of 'love'. Feelings are simply a trigger mechanism. Our focus should be on what is causing the triggers, not the feelings themselves in order to achieve True Love in our relationships.
Now, I want to give you a different perspective, and I want you to consider this for a moment. What if I say that In order to have true love in your relationship, you must first develop a sense of respect for your man. This means that you must first be able to see him as an individual you are able to respect in all facade of your relationship.
Allow me to unpack this further.
Have you heard of the statement "men need respect and women need love"? If you have not, it means that men need to feel respected and women needs to feel love for the relationship to succeed. That statement to me is actually quite misleading and I'll tell you why. Let's turn the table around and look at it from a different angle.
As I have mentioned earlier, the feeling of "falling in love" is a chemically triggered cause by something you experience externally. It could be triggered by laughter, or even stress. Perhaps your partner plays hot and cold and that will tigger your chemical responses. There are a varying reasons why you could feel that rush of a high and you gradually begin to bond with him.
In order to have true love, instead of asking if he loves you ( which is based on the notion of random chemical triggers), you must first ask yourself if YOU respect your man. Why? because once you know you can respect your man (note, not all men deserves your respect), you are in the pathway to develop feeling of true love which is not just randomly triggered by something superficial. For a man on the other hand, although yes, he still needs to respect you, he should ask himself if he values his woman. Once he values the woman he is with, respect comes automatically for him. We won't be explaining more about this in this article but we will touch upon it in the next article.
So here is what I want you to do. Write down all possible behaviours patterns that will cause you to loose respect for your partner / husband
So for example : I will not be able to respect my partner/ husband if he...
If he is distance from me emotionally
If he brushes my concerns aside when i raise any issues
If he is poor at managing conflict
If he doesn't make the effort to call and connect with me on a daily basis
If he doesn't take care of his home and expect me to clean or he just does only the bare minimum of the chores and feels entitled
If he relies on you for dometic duties
If he is lazy
If he expects me to pay half
If he doesn't plan dates and any family activities
If he uses me as his personal assistant
As much as being in the most awesome relationship is about transforming yourself from the inside out...an insight into how you will loose respect for your man creates awareness for you. It plays a key role when you are communicating your needs to him at a later stage.
Being in the most awesome relationship is about transforming yourself from the inside out. However, understanding how you might lose respect for your man can help you avoid this from happening. When you are ready to tell your partner your needs down the track, it is important to be aware of this list at the back of you mind so he may begin to understand the impact these actions has on you.
When your man understands what respect, admiration and inspiration mean to you and how you need him to show up to allow you to perceive him in that light, he will want nothing more than to be that man for you. To help him do this, he needs to know what it takes.
We hope that this article has helped you to understand the importance of why respect gives life to deep true love in a relationship. If you take anything away from this, remember that your ability to respect your man must be at the forefront of your relationship if you want to have true love. I will write a second part addressing the men's side of things and what he needs you to show up as, in order to attain that true love we all seek for in life.
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