In this post, I'll show you 5 things you can do holistically to empower your relationship by being a magnetic woman and goddess - Have your man always put you first, crave your presence, connect with you meaningfully and step up to the plate effortlessly.
Before you cry out, "Why do i have to do all the hard work to make my man change?" well, that is a very valid point. None of these steps I'll be outlining in this article is meant to manipulate a man to change. A person, (man or woman) can never be changed unless they want to. You don't need to focus on him and get him to change. None of that. However what I am presenting to you here, as the valuable and smart women you are, is the knowledge of honing into your magnetic self to have the relationship you truly desire - effortlessly.
I dare say the most powerful tool a woman have in her disposal to influence the quality of her relationship is to be a magnetic woman. How do you turn on your magnetic magic? The secret is to lean into your feminine energy (vibe) and become the unforgettable women you rightfully are to your man; be an attractive vibe - be fun, playful, be polite, be gentle, be the women who extrudes warmth, calmness and be this relaxed peaceful vibe. Make him feel wanted and a ‘hero’ in your life. He wants to know every now and then he is doing a great job and making you happy. Learn how to balance this attractive vibe with communicating your needs to your man - enforce your boundaries using your feminine demeanour.
No man would steer away from a woman they truly enjoy being around. Your partner has chosen to be with you and commit to you - so, good news, you are the chosen woman he wants to be around and you, have the power to steer his heart.
Unfortunately, detoration is what follows in most of our love connection as we move forward with our daily lives. There are blockages to the love connection which piles up as we move along and it's mostly apparent when both of you have been practising poor communication patterns where emotional safety and trust has been broken. He begins taking your for granted. You are doing more work in the relationship while he is cruising along. As a result, the intimacy subsequently decrease over time. There was little investment in the ‘emotional bank’ - no empathy and no vulnerability present. (more of this later)
Here are the 5 things you can do to be the magnetic woman and goddess
1. Deepen your emotional safety and trust with empathetic communication during a conflict/disagreement
Yes, you heard that right. Contrary to popular belief, conflict/disagreement are essential in bringing the relationship closer together but only when it is managed with good intention and empathetic communication skills. Your partner may be at fault in some cases, but how you manage the situation makes all the difference to the outcome of any disagreement. With any situation, you have power and ownership to your responses, behaviour and actions that influence those closest to you - for better or worst.
The clinical psychologist, John Gottman, believed the easiest predicament on your long-term relationship health and vitality is how a couple communicates with each other, especially during a conflict/disagreement. He specifies the ‘4 horsemen’- these are negative communication habits that pull couples apart, eventually leading to a divorce or unhealthy dysfunctional dynamics.
Criticism
Expressing Contempt
Being Defensive
Stonewalling
The solution to these 4 destructive methods of communication is to create awareness in your communication style and overcome your negative thoughts towards your spouse, especially during any disagreement. Now, I understand there are two sides to the situation which is why if you have the skills to steer any disagreement from escalation, I recommend using those moments as an opportunity to foster deeper connection and intimacy with your partner/ spouse.
Click on the link below if you wish to learn how you are able to use our 8 Step Influential communication mastery guide where he will be receptive to your every word but not only that, you can use this to defuse any escalation, unblock deeper intimacy and connection in your relationship.
2. Create a culture of appreciation
We spoke about the emotional bank earlier. Imagine for a moment both you and your partner has a secret jar hidden within your subconscious which triggers the feeling of ‘love’. This jar is called the ‘Love Bank’.
Every individual has a specific love language which they are most inclined to. When that is triggered, your brian will send a respond to you body which in turn produces 'happy chemical' into your nervous system. Our mind will register these meaningful act of love and 'deposit' into the imaginary 'love bank' causing you to feel loved. The 'happy chemicals' that is produced in your body is call oxiticin - also known as the love bonding chemicals. Expressing appreciation, gratitude, affection, and respect for your partner and vice verse will create that positive feeling in your relationship, no matter how small the gesture might be. The more positive both you and your partner feel in your interaction with each other, the less likely the both of you will feel or express contempt! So invest in this 'love bank' as much as possible.
3. Clean up - take responsibility for your part in the relationship
You cannot build the relationship of your dreams without first cleaning up your mess and taking responsibility for the part you have played in your current relationship. What this means is you need to look inwardly and be honest with yourself on how you have contributed negatively to the relationship dynamics. For instance, you may have been triggered by your partner/ husband during a disagreement which escalated (even though he is at fault). Using criticism, disrespecting him or even putting your partner down during an argument (as mentioned earlier in point #1), is not an effective influential tool at all regardless of the situation.
Perhaps in another instance, you may NOT have been enforcing your boundaries which results in your partner bulldozing and stepping beyond what is acceptable to you - he either is disrespecting your feelings, criticising you or treating you like crap. There could be a multitude of examples, but thinking about where you have played a part in contributing to this dynamics is a critical step forward. Implementing a new model of behaviour without doing this step will not give you the outcome you want.
4. Negative self belief : Self-loathing vs self-love
When you respect and love yourself, others will be able to see and feel that energy radiating from within you. The cause of self-loathing comes subconsciously due to your internal programming brought upon your environment and past experiences in your life. The belief you hold and the values you hold against yourself are at the very foundation to self-love. A negative belief leads to self-loathing.
Some examples of negative self belief are that you feel;
I am just not good enough to be loved,
I am less than worthy for love,
I believe having a relationship is key to attaining meaning and happiness in my life or
I fear being on my own
These false belief impacts your ability to fully experience self-love and to completely fall in love with yourself. This is also one of the main reason why many women find themselves in situations where they are treated poorly by their spouse.
Do you notice that we all have experienced an internal voice within us? I call it the 'internal critique'. Notice how the internal critique speaks to you. (it is where your false belief lies) Is it there to criticise, blame you and make you feel horrible inside? When this happens internally, your energy shifts and projects outwardly. Replacing your negative thoughts to positive thoughts are the building blocks to self-love.
Do you want to be able to combat your negative thought process so you can built self love, fall in love with yourself and make your spouse treat you right? Download the link below.
Free Download: Reaction Roadmap and Top 9 Negative Thought
5. Your womanly energy and vibe
To maintain a healthy attraction between your partner/spouse, we must strike a balance with our feminine energy and masculine energy. Now, before everyone screams inequality, let me further explain the concept of masculine and feminine energy if you are not familiar.
It is believed that each one of us (man and woman) encompasses both the energy of the masculine and feminine. The masculine energy is typically classified as the energy of doing, directing, projecting and getting things done, while the feminine energy operates within the realm of openness, using your intuitive, going with the flow and being receptive to receiving from others. I will not dive too deeply into this topic for now but I will touch upon balancing these two energies as a woman to amplify your magnetic magic.
In a relationship, operating more in you masculine energy will result in an imbalance and a loss of attraction ( yes that includes doing housework, cooking, taking care of the kids- these are doing, projecting and getting things done energy). The dynamic in the family has to be balanced, where women allow their man to step up and embrace their masculinity by giving them space to take the initiative to do more and ‘invest’ in the relationship ( to please you) rather than the other way round. This does not mean your man steping all over you and makeing decisions on your behalf. No, I'm not suggesting that at all. In a healthy relationship, you and your partner view each other as equals and have an equal say to make decisions and develop the relationship together as co-equal.
To give an example of these 2 energies, during the course of your relationship, the women in the relationship typically ends up putting in more effort in the relationship. There are some exceptions but typically, we hear this from women. For example she becomes the cleaner, the cook, the financial planner, the teacher, the driver, school pick up, the nurse, the babysitter, the personal assistant and the secratery. This gives room for the man to take a back seat as they 'invest’ less and less into the relationship with time, while the woman does everything needed for the relationship to survive and thrive. This eventually leads to the man being more in the feminine energy while the women operating in the masculine energy.
What I am suggesting here is striking a balance between the masculine and feminine energy by being receptive to receiving from our partner more than we are doing, directing and providing into the relationship. I call this the 80/20 rule - being 80% in your feminine energy and 20% masculine energy to strike a balance when you are with your partner/ husband. By all means, be more in your masculine energy at work because you need to get things done but just remember to move into your 80/20 feminine energy when you are home.
In some cultures, there might be a strong backlash when ideals such as domestic chores, financial contribution and childcare do not fall under the traditionally acceptable domain when being challenged. ( i.e woman are being shamed for wanting men to step-up their roles as providers beyond the traditional mindset) But I'll leave for you to tactfully discern the areas within your relationship and family life where you would want your man to take on the responsibility such that you can operate more within your feminine energy. Communicate with your partner what your needs are. If he is a man who values you, he will be able to cater to your needs and do what is best for your relationship to thrive.
In my 30 Days relationship challenge, I show women how all of this is done to have the relationship of your desire. I know you probably have tried before to get through to your partner / husband but I bet you are sick of trying so hard and not getting any result. I will show you how to get there, and hold your hand right through it all.
Imagine, in only 30 days, you will feel more alive then you have ever felt, have more love and enjoying every moment you are in a relationship with your man.
Learn more about the 30 Days Relationship Challenge here
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Pro tip#1: Please refer to my article on Trust if you find yourself having difficulty to have this conversation with your partner regarding your needs, then it might be something deeper lurking: https://www.splendourr.com.au/post/5-steps-to-rebuid-trust-in-your-marriage