Updated: Sep 18, 2022
Broken promises is a form of passive aggressive behaviour which translates as a sign he has taken you for granted in your relationship if it's done repetitively.
Do you find yourself feeling anxious and worried because you constantly have to 'chase after him' to get things done otherwise it doesn't get done? If that's the case you might be dealing with someone who has no value for you and the relationship / marriage you are in.
Yes, unfortunately he doesn't value you and the relationship you share, but most of all he lacks Empathy and Integrity. What is Integrity? Integrity basically means when he says he will do something, he will ensure he delivers on his word. We are as good as our words, so that's at the very core of integrity. When someone is not dependable, that's extremely detrimental for the relationship to thrive.
I guess the big question is WHY does this happen?
At the core of all my training programs and self transformation, it all comes down to our subconscious imprint about ourselves ladies. The tools we train you in is to empower yourself and to look beyond why certain things are happening in your life without putting any blame and feelings of guilt on to yourself. Doing this inner work will essentially reprogram your mind with a fresh new belief taking you to new heights. When you are able to acknowledge what's going on holistically, you are able to powerfully chip away your false belief that has been holding you back and shine as this amazing woman you truly are.
Now what you might hear next might be harsh, but...
The number 1 reason why it's happening to you is because you have let him get away with his bad behaviour without any repercussion when you don't assert your boundaries.
I know you would have told him before, express your frustration to him before and told him repeatedly, but yet he plays dumb and that's because you have not assert your boundaries. Unfortunately man treat us badly because we allow them to. Nagging, expressing our frustration doesn't translate to boundaries with men. Essentially, we have allowed our man to get away with their lack of effort continuously by not expressing our needs, expectation and boundaries.
Let me tell you the good news, you have the power to turn this around! Let me show you how.
To break this vicious cycle and stop fuelling his paybacks (the broken promises) is for you to step back and stop playing his game. Don't accept any promise.
Your solution....these are the 7 steps.
1. Ask yourself
Question your subconscious mind and limiting belief. Now you may ask yourself some of these questions to begin with but if you wish to dive deeper, work with a professional who is able to guide you through this process.
Why are you putting up with this behavior?
Are you giving him excuses to get away with bad behaviour?
Do you deserve this treatment from your partner?
Describe how you would like your ideal partner to treat you?
Have anyone in your childhood treated like your unworthy or not good enough?
Do you have to proof your worth to be loved when you were a child?
2. Communicate with him
Let him know this isn’t working out for you ( never attempt to put any blame on him or nagging as this only backfire) because you feel uncared for when he keeps breaking his promises to you, you just don’t feel he is there for you when you need him.
3. Get his input and problem solve
Tell him you wish things to be workable and ask for his input and a solution. Keep the conversation safe by both of you avoiding the 5 horsemen ( criticism, blame, excuses, contempt, denigration) when communicating and validate each other's emotions. Get help from an expert to coach you on how to powerfully have this conversation while self regulating your emotions.
4. Lay down your boundaries All healthy relationship needs boundaries, otherwise, it may fall into a co-dependent relationship or abusive relationship.
When a promise is made it should be carried out otherwise an agreement shouldn't be made in the first place.
Think of natural consequences for your partner if this happens again.
Example of consequences:
Use his money to hire someone to get the repairs done or get hired help with house chores and the children.
Don’t feel guilty about the boundaries and never apologise. Only you can put your value first before someone else would. If your partner values your relationship, he will step up to the plate. If you need your partner to look after the baby while you have alone/ sleep time each day then request for it. Don't try to be nice. If you want to be treated at a certain level, ASK and communicate that lovingly. A man will move mountains for the women he loves and value. Don't doubt yourself regardless of what your partner or other family members think about your requests. The only time a man doesn't heed these request is if he doesn't care anymore or he is a selfish controlling person.
5. The 5% rule
This is probably the most potent but hardest to apply in this day and age as a woman but unfortunately, I have noticed many women have been making this massive mistake over and over again whether they are meeting someone new or have been married for many years. The quickest way to get your partner or any man disinterested in you is to 'invest' more in the relationship than they are. What 'investment' means is in the sense of putting your attention and energy into this relationship. We know that as women, we have the likelihood of giving and giving, more than our partner is and this is why he has taken you for granted.
Be honest to yourself and ask if you are the one driving and leading this relationship or is it your partner. If it is you, then it is time to recalibrate the relationship and bring in some balance back. If your partner is putting in 30% into the relationship, you need to put in 25%, just a step back. Putting less energy and effort doesn't mean that he does as he pleases but it means that he is mostly doing the initiation, gaining your appreciation and affection. As a woman be more on the receiving end and less on the giving end. Not only will he be noticing you more, but the attraction for you will increase over time.
6. Self-care Begin by putting YOU first in your life and not your partner's (also known as codependency, being needy etc). This may sound counter-intuitive but a man doesn't really want someone revolving around him but he rather revolves around you. You need to put your life in order - separate to your partner. What I mean is to stop depending on him to cater to your needs. Go and have fun on your own, get pretty or do something you enjoy without your partner every now and then.
7. Be prepared to walk away
If all else fails, then be prepared to walk away. You need to make the tough decision base on your current cumstances if you are prepared to put up with this for the rest of your life, or walk away. If he doesn't want to step up as your man to be the giver and provider by respecting your boundaries and needs but instead he's giving you a million and one excuses pushing you to live by his terms, then ladies, the sad news is he doesn't care about you.
Do these 7 steps concurrently in your relationship to get the results you want. Remember, these tips are general in nature and should be considered to suit individual situation.
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Pro tip#1: It’s really important to establish your source of income, bank account, health providers, social networks, transportation and entertainment separately from those of your partner just in case he isn't able to keep to his promises, so you always have a contingency plan in place.
Pro-tip #2: If you need to communicate with him, do so using healthy methods and remember to acknowledge, show your appreciation and validate him in a meaningful way, no matter how small it may seem.